Midsummer's Beautiful Nightmare
by ginnyinvisible
Summary: Alice is gone. Jasper sinks into agony, but when defending Bella from Victoria, he discovers something he never realized before. Is Bella changed as well? And with Edward, drama begins. T for safety. Bella x Jasper, and of course beloved Edward angst.
1. Chapter 1

**At the beginning of Eclipse, while Edward and Bella were in Jacksonville, the fight escalated and both Jacob and Alice got killed. Jasper is left bereft. Yet when protecting Bella from the pack, in the woods, he discovers surprising passion for her. Does Bella love him back? And of course Edward brings on the drama. BxJaz**

. . . . . . . . . . . . .

Heads bowed, solemn, watching the white headstone endlessly. Were they hoping the headstone would pop out, and history would undo itself? Would simply watching, and sobbing, bring her back?

_Alice Cullen  
Beloved wife  
sister, daughter, friend_

There were no dates. Nothing. Everything was unknown. She didn't remember her past, and now she had no future.

The fine, black ashes were buried here, behind the house, far from Forks Cemetery. Jacob Black had been buried there. The Cullens noticed, sometimes, that Bella wandered off, and they knew she was going to the cemetery to visit Jacob. He had been her friend, too, even if he had caused Alice's death. They said nothing, and pretending they didn't know. And so they stood there, not moving, for days, mourning her.

She was gone.

_"Jasper! No!"_

_Alice leapt in front of the tall, blond vampire and took the full brunt of Jacob's claws in her chest. A endless, tortured scream tore out of her as his claws ripped her, shredding..._

_Jasper furiously attacking Jacob, ripping his throat open, face twisted in despair, but it was too late. She had fallen backwards into the flames and was gone._

Jasper crouched on the ground, head buried in hands, messy golden hair tangled in his long fingers. His eyes were black, very black, but he didn't care. He didn't care. There was nothing left.

_Edward holding Jasper back, preventing him from leaping at the fire. Jasper's face was wild, snarling. "NO! She can't- she's not-"_

_Carlisle looked up sadly, letting a small pile of fine, black ashes drip through his fingers. "Jasper..." his face was compassionate, "I'm sorry."_

_"NO!" Jasper roared, fighting for a second more, trying to rip Edward's arm off him, then suddenly went limp, legs collapsing on the ground, and he whispered, so silently that only a vampire could have heard, "No..."_

She was gone. Forever.

. . . . . . . . . . . . .

**JASPER**

Three months, one week, and four days.

What was I counting? The amount of time I had survived with her gone? No, because I had not survived. I was dead.

I was laying on the ground, my cheek pressing against the cool wood. I wished I could have slipped into unconsciousness, but I couldn't. I couldn't.

"Jasper." The cool, insensitive voice brought me back to the agony of reality, and I looked up. Edward.

I felt sympathy, pity, and pain emanating from him. "Jasper," he said softly, "you need to hunt."

I looked down. "No." I didn't know why I was denying it.

He looked down as well. "I'm sorry- I know how hard it is for you. It happened to me too, you know." Yes. When he thought Bella was dead, when he knew it was his fault...

He winced at my thoughts, but kept going as if he hadn't heard anything. "I just- I can't let that happen. What I thought happened before. And with you not in control of yourself... it isn't safe..." he trailed off, and I realized what he was saying.

"I'm dangerous for Bella." My voice was without inflection.

"Jas-" he broke off, looking up. Then his face cleared in horror. "No!"

I heard Bella's soft voice. "Let me talk to him." I gritted my teeth. She was right outside my room... I had to keep control, I had to...

"No, Bella," Edward commanded furiously. "He hasn't hunted in months... it's not safe..."

I could imagine her chin lifting. "He wouldn't hurt me. And-" she hesitated, "if he lost control... you'd be there."

Edward clenched his teeth, but moved aside. Bella stepped into the room, and her scent washed over me.

I tightened my fists, fighting to stay still. She was so _tempting_, so human, soft and vulnerable... She blushed as she met my gaze, and my eyes zeroed in on the pooling blood in her cheeks...

No, no, you can't do this, Jasper. I repeated the mantra so it filled my head.

_Sinking my teeth into her neck... her soft, pale skin giving way into my sharp ivories. Blood spurting out, and my tongue darting from between my lips to lick it up... And her soft brown eyes turning cold, empty in death..._

Suddenly, I recoiled from the image. That could never happen. Bella was... so _alive_, I could never hurt her. Could never cut that off. So many people loved her... Edward, Alice...

I started to sway, back and forth, inches away from lunging at her and tearing her apart, yet something in me was revolted at that idea. Back... _she can't die, she's part of the family, my sister._ Forth, _I want to kill her, her beautiful blood..._ I tore at my hair in agony.

Her eyes tightened, and I could feel remorse gushing out from her, a wave that threatened to overwhelm me. _Forth..._ "I'm- I'm sorry-" she choked, and backed away out the doorway.

As the door closed, I moaned in relief. Edward's eyes were tight with tension. He looked away from me as he murmured... "That's what it is for me every day."

I looked up in horror. "How do you-"

He met my eyes, expression intense. "Because I love her."

That was why I couldn't kill her, because she was so much more than another human. She was my sister, a part of the family, and it would kill Edward if he lost her. Even if Alice was gone, my meaning of life, I still cared, in part, for the rest of my family... I couldn't cause them pain... _Back... _I kept my lips tightly together as I sprung out the window, thinking to Edward, _I'm going to hunt. I won't put her in danger._

. . . . . . . . . . . . .

Blood.

Thick, red, mountain lion blood, gushing around my mouth as I sunk my teeth into the limp, furry body. I sucked, relishing the release, the drug-like rush I got as I swallowed, like I was finally getting my fix after a long withdrawal.

Oh, it was nothing like human blood... my mouth watered at the thought... yet after three months-- _three months, one week, and five days_-- it was bliss.

_Sinking my teeth into her neck... her soft, pale skin giving way into my sharp ivories. Blood spurting out, and my tongue darting from between my lips to lick it up...  
_

The mountain lion suddenly seemed repulsive in comparison to the memory of _Bella's_ blood. The taste rushed up in my mouth, the wonderful scent attacking my nostrils...

I whirled around. It wasn't in my imagination. It was real.

"Bella!" I choked out, clasping my hand over my mouth and nose. No, no... Her mouth was slightly open, stunned and frightened... soft, red lips, thick with blood, how simple it would be, no one was watching...

Beautiful, tempting crimson stained her cheeks, and she looked down. "They were talking... Victoria's been spotted in these woods, and Edward forgot to tell you... I wanted to warn you..." she trailed off softly.

"Do they know you're here?" I let out from between my clenched teeth, voice cracked with restraint.

Her blush deepened. _Stop blushing,_ I longed to scream out at her, but I would have to open my mouth to do that, and breath in... "Edward didn't want us to go to you. He said you could take care of yourself, but..."

I almost sighed, exasperated at her overwhelming concern and worry for all of us, but slightly touched that I was included in that concern. "I'm fine. I can take Victoria easily." I rolled up my sleeve, showing her countless battle scars, thin crescent that dotted and criss-crossed across my skin. "I've fought before, remember, more than any of them."

She cringed at the sight. Somehow, inexplicably, I longed to comfort her.

And in that second, a flame-colored blur leapt from behind me and knocked her down, against the ground.

Victoria.

The female vampire's red eyes gleamed with hate and madness, as she breathed, "Isabella." Her slender, white hands reached up and curved, ever so gently, around Bella's neck.

And the world stopped.

All I could see was Bella's terrified eyes, looking up at Victoria, and the waves of panic coming from her... and some strange emotion from me...

And there was only one thought in my mind. _Not her._

I leaped, tearing Victoria off her, and throwing her into a tree. Bella collapsed onto the ground as Victoria let go. I didn't look, didn't check, couldn't force myself to see... yet I heard her faltering heartbeat, slowing, missing a beat...

Victoria snarled, and my attention whipped back to her. She sprang, and I coiled, ducking, then whipped around, catching her neck, and ripping it off.

She let out a strangled scream as I flung her head far into the forest, and continued to rip apart her body in mad fury.

Then a soft moan brought my attention back to Bella.

Beat... silence... beat... silence... silence... nothing.

"No!" I instantly went to Bella's side, lifting her head. Her eyes were blank, and she wasn't breathing. "No-" I choked. Why was it so painful to have this human girl die? Was it because it was my fault, because she wouldn't be in this forest if not for me, because I didn't defend her well enough? Because she was my sister? All I knew was that the tiny sliver of life that had survived when Alice died was dying now with this little, insignificant girl.

I had to keep trying. I put my lips on hers, attempting to ignore how strange, how-- yes, strange, nothing else-- it felt to have them touching, breathing for her. Then I put my hands on her chest and began to pump, hoping against hope...

Suddenly, her heartbeat stuttered, starting up again, and she began to cough. Her eyelids fluttered and recognition returned to them.

I moaned in relief, strange exhilaration, almost adrenaline rushing through my dead veins. "J-Jasper?" she croaked. Her saying my name broke the barrier, and I broke down, letting the unknown feeling out. Almost without knowing what I was doing, I pulled her face up ferociously, brought my lips to hers, and kissed her fiercely.

It was so wonderful, so much more than kissing the cold lips of Alice, or Maria before her. The soft, warm satiny skin that gave in to my lips, the sound of her heartbeat speeding up, and oh, the _emotions_... It was bliss.

And then she pulled away, shock and confusion emanating. She stared at me, brown eyes indecipherable. "I- I'm sorry," I let out. What was I doing? Bella belonged to Edward... and I belonged to Alice, even if she was dead...

But the feeling of her lips...

I picked her up, and ran back to the house, trying to prevent myself from thinking, from considering my conflicted emotions. Lust, horror, regret, wonder, passion...

And the feeling of her warm body in my arms.

**Um yeah... Jasper is really sexy. Anyone agree? :( For some reason, though, my imagination Jasper is always black-haired. He doesn't seem right blond. Oh well.**

**This is going to be a kinda short story, I just wanted to do this cause I need some Jasper. Yeah, I love BxE, but seriously. Tell me your impressions. Did I get Jasper right?**


	2. Chapter 2

**BELLA**

Jasper set me on my feet as we reached the house, and I rushed to Edward's room, shaking. I collapsed onto his couch, mind swirling.

_What just happened?_

I remembered feeling anxious when Edward came out of Jasper's room, telling me he had left to hunt, and I had recalled the conversation we had had in the family room earlier. Jasper had been locked in his room, like he had been for three months. I remembered how Carlisle had told us what the pack said about Victoria. I had yelled at Edward, asking him how he could let Jasper go out in the forest alone, disturbed as he was, with Victoria out there.

He blew it off, of course he blew it off. I knew I was overreacting, but I had ran out to search for Jasper. Alice was gone, and he had no one to watch out for him. He had never been a part of the family as much as Alice was. No one was worried, and to them, it wouldn't be a tragedy if Jasper was lost.

What was I thinking? It wouldn't be a tragedy to me, either, not like how it would be if _Edward_ died, but I didn't want him hurt. He was part of my family too.

I stumbled around in the trees for a while, until I finally reached the clearing where the Cullens had played baseball before, congratulating myself on not getting hopelessly lost. Jasper was there, and I cringed at the look in his eyes when he whirled around, taking me in. His eyes were black, completely black, despite his having just fed.

_He's not going to hurt me_, I thought to myself, panicking. He didn't before... but that was because Edward and the rest restrained him, and we're alone...

"Bella-" he choked out, covering his mouth and nose with a tightly clenched hand. I could see his whole frame shaking with the restraint. This was a bad idea. I felt the blood rush to my cheeks, and cringed, embarrassed, which caused me to blush harder. Of all the times...

I avoided his dangerously black eyes, and began to mumble explanations, excuses, trying to distract myself from his dangerous mouth and glaring eyes. "They were talking... Victoria's been spotted in these woods, and Edward forgot to tell you... I wanted to warn you..."

"Do they know you're here?" His voice was angry, enraged. I flinched again, blushing deeper. Why did it hurt that he was angry at me?

"Edward didn't want us to go to you. He said you could take care of yourself, but..." I trailed off. Yes, this had been very stupid.

He sighed, obviously exasperated, and I released my breath as well, relieved at the fact that the tension he was no longer holding showed he was growing accustomed to my scent. "I'm fine. I can take Victoria easily." He rolled up my sleeve, showing countless battle scars, thin crescents that dotted and criss-crossed across her skin. "I've fought before, remember, more than any of them."

I recoiled, thinking of my own, single crescent, a scar to forever remember James. That had hurt like the fires of hell, yet Jasper had been hurt so much more... a slightly raised pattern covered all his skin.

Suddenly, the world tilted, and something collided against me, causing me to come crashing down onto the ground, my head cracking against the hard stone. I looked up to meet wild, crimson eyes.

Victoria.

"Isabella," she breathed. I looked into her eyes, calmly realizing that I had always known this time would come. Edward had prevented fate from ensuing so many times, yet he wasn't here.

I felt cold fingers creep across my neck, and my eyelids fluttered as a wave of darkness came upon me.

And I was drowning, falling through a dark, endless hole, plunging through a tunnel in the earth that never ended. I lay limp, not fighting, letting myself drop in free fall. My eyes began to close; I didn't want to be conscious when I reached the bottom.

Just then, a strong, muscled, porcelain white arm caught me. He pulled me to his body with supreme strength, and I clung to his diamond hard chest. _Edward,_ I thought in relief. He had saved me, like he always would. He didn't look at me, though, hiding his face, as he climbed back up the pit, to the small, almost imaginary glimmer of life at the top.

He lifted me over the edge, and I lay, panting, in the sunlight. Then he pulled himself up afterwards, and finally turned his head so I could see it.

And it wasn't Edward.

It was Jasper.

And before I could think, process the abrupt, absurd reversal in roles in my hallucination, he yanked my face up to his and kissed me, ferociously, his lips moving with a sort of pain-filled passion, agonizing lust.

And my heart began to pound, wildly furiously, trying to tear out of my chest, as he crushed my lips with his. I gasped, sucking in breath. This was so unusual, so unprecedented... I pulled away, confused, unsure at the strange feelings inside my head. _What..._

"I- I'm sorry," Jasper choked out, and I looked up to meet his golden eyes, they just as shocked and confused as I felt. And yet something more... My face was reflected in his eyes, and it blurred, becoming indistinguishable from his round pupils.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . .

"Bella," I jerked up at the name, realizing I was still curled up on the couch, knees brought up to my chest, arms hugging them. There, at the doorway, stood Jasper.

His eyes were penitent, yet deep with a strange type of sorrow. "I'm sorry, Bella," he continued as he saw he had my attention, "I don't know what came over me." He looked down at his hands, which moved as if they wanted something to do, to hold. "I didn't mean for that to happen, I just-"

Not quite knowing what I was doing, I patted the couch next to me, as I sat up in a more decent manner. "Come on, Jasper. It's okay."

He hesitated, then walked over, sitting down. Shivers ran up my back at his proximity. _What is going on?_

I looked up, meeting his eyes. "It's okay, Jasper. I don't know what happened... it was something strange. I had the weirdest hallucination while I was unconscious..." I trailed off, as he was staring at me like I had hit my head a little too hard. "Did you get Victoria?" I changed the subject.

His fists tightened. "Yes. I ripped her apart." His voice was thick with dark fury. "She's destroyed."

I paused, wavering, then began to ask my next question. "Why-"

He answered, seeming to know what I was asking. "I couldn't stand the thought of her hurting you. I-" he looked down, turning his hands over and over.

_What? What were you going to say?_ my mind begged me to ask, but I clenched my lips tight.

Without warning, a flood of emotions washed over me, crashing over my head like a tidal wave.

_LUST! Overwhelming desire, oh, how I want to touch him, fall into his arms, oh God, he's so beautiful..._

I moaned as another flood attacked me. _Passion, deep thirst, tearing at my insides, destroying everything I thought was true..._

I didn't know which of us gave way first, fell head-first into the wave, succumbed to the power. All I knew is we were suddenly in each other's arms, him on top of me, lips and tongues moving against the other's faces...

Deep inside of my mind, something warned me, _remember, he's an empath, he can control feelings, all you're getting is probably from him..._

And another, quieter voice answered it, but what if I _want_ to feel this?

I hardly noticed as my hand, completely detached from my numb mind, moved against his body, pulling apart the buttons and pushing aside the cloth as it traced the strong planes of his chest...

And his lips, moving down to my jugular, and I wasn't frightened at all as they moved slowly, tasting my skin and feeling the pounding of my pulse...

He pressed me into the couch, and my arms reached up, entangling into his hair, _pulling_ him down...

All too soon, it ended. He drew back, dropping my hair, onyx eyes widening in horror. "No..." he whispered, pulling himself up from the couch.

"Jasper..." I breathed, reaching up.

"No!" His eyes were now terrified. "I can't do this- this can't happen- You belong to Edward! I can't do this to him- to you..."

He stood, fighting to place again on his face the customary suave, cool facade, the quiet reserve that I now knew had been hiding everything else.

And I knew I didn't want that back. I wanted how what I had just abruptly discovered.

Yet I fell back on the couch as he backed out of the room.

**Okay, yeah. I hate fanfics when Edward cheats, or Alice, yet I love it when Bella cheats for some reason. Providing Edward finds out. So next chapter... Edward POV...**

**Tell me what you think, or want to happen.**

**And sorry, yeah, this is going to have to be short. The way I'm planning it will have two more chapters after the next one. Cause I eventually need to get back to my BxE story, The Angels. btw read that if you will ;D I feel bad for my Angels readers, and not a lot of people like BxJaz :( For some reason.**

**Review?**


	3. Chapter 3

**EDWARD**

I was standing in front of the refrigerator, leaning on the door, gazing at the contents aimlessly. I did this often when trying to pick out food for Bella to eat. After all, I hadn't eaten in more than a hundred years, and it was hard to decide without a sense of taste. I knew I was letting out cold air, but as I couldn't feel it, and we as were well provided for the electric bill, I was free to sit and stare at the fridge.

I heard Bella's breath, loud heartbeat, and the intensifying of her smell before I saw her, coming down from upstairs into the kitchen. Her cheeks were flushed and her eyes bright.

"What happened?"

"Nothing." Her heart rate tripled and she blinked rapidly, looking down. I laughed. She could never lie to me.

"What, did you trip over a flea again?"

She smiled gratefully. "Yeah," she agreed, attempting to force a chuckle, heart rate increasing even more.

_Hmm_, I frowned. It was something more important than trying to hide embarrassment, whatever she was hiding. I swept across the room in an instant, letting the refrigerator door swing closed behind me, and took her in my arms. Forcing her face up so she had to look at me, I breathed, "What is it, Bella?"

I could tell she was struggling, but she resolutely shook her head, pressing her lips together. "Should I persuade you to tell me?" I pressed her tighter against my chest, and leaned down to crush my lips against hers.

I gasped, tightening my fingers around her neck, yet restraining myself so I didn't snap her fragile bones. She always complained when I reached my breaking point and withdrew. She didn't realize how unbearable, how ecstatic kissing her soft, warm lips made me, infinitely more affected than a human could ever be. I _never _wanted to pull back, I wanted to push her down onto the ground, kiss her ferociously, pull her to my body... Yet I could never, she was so fragile.

Then the unprecedented happened. She pulled away.

I loosened my hands around her, letting her fall back against the wall. She looked up, eyes penitent. "Sorry..."

I smiled. "It's fine. You don't have to tell me if you don't want to."

She sighed, letting out her breath. "I-"

Then Jasper began coming down the stairs, visible from the kitchen, and I heard his thoughts.

_Jasper on top of Bella, passionate emotion exploding from both of them, her lips against his face as he breathed in her wonderful scent..._

_He couldn't control his power, what he was feeling was washing over Bella too, he could feel it, yet couldn't stop himself..._

_Her moan as a wave of his emotions crashed into her, succumbing, body twisting as she moved her hand to his chest..._

_The wonderful feeling of her warm, sensitive hand tracing patterns on his bare skin..._

_The taste of her throat against my lips, but he didn't feel lust for her blood, only for her..._

_And her hands entangling themselves into his hair, pulling him down, and he wrapped my arms around her, pressing her into the couch..._

I pulled away from the memory, attacking me, sinking barbed claws into my head. No. No. How could he do this? He was my brother. Attacking Bella, making her feel love, _lust_ for anyone but me... Those lips were _mine_! That moan, that look in her eyes was _mine_! I tore my eyes away from the image of her tightening her hands in his hair...

I hardly felt myself drop Bella, whirling around as a snarl ripped from between my teeth, glaring at Jasper, willing for him to burst into flames by my gaze. He met my gaze, with a penitent look in his eyes-- _the same one Bella had given me_-- thinking straight to me. _Edward, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry..._

I crouched, gathering my energy, my control lost. I wanted to _kill_ him, KILL. I'd tear him apart, burn him... And I sprang, and he made no move to defend himself.

Yet as my body collided with his, knocking him down, I heard a soft scream, "No!" and Bella was under me, her soft arms against my chest, pushing fruitlessly.

Her eyes were terrified as they looked up into mine, and I could see the reflection of my face in them. My eyes were black, pitch black, and my mouth was bared in a snarl, frightening, like a vampire from a horror movie.

"No, Edward, don't hurt him," she whispered.

The words tore out of me as I attempted to move her from between us, "Bella, I'm going to kill him."

Her eyes widened, and her hands whitened as she exerted more pressure against my chest. "No! You can't!"

"Bella," I didn't see why she didn't understand, and I put my hands on the sides of her face. "This monster attacked you, forced himself on you, and _used his powers_ to make you feel... lustful... towards him. How can you tell me not to hurt him? Is he still using his powers on you?" My grip tightened unconsciously, and she squirmed, making me let go.

She looked down, and whispered, "I don't want you to hurt him."

Jasper spoke for the first time. "Bella-"

She twisted around in my arms, looking at Jasper below her. "I don't! I can't-" Her eyes tightened, then seemed to move past some indecision and, clenching her jaw, leaned down. Extricating her wrists from my hands, she put her palms on the sides of his face, kissing his lips softly.

I froze, then slowly lifted myself from on top of her. "Bella-" I breathed, my mind dulled with panic.

She mumbled, not lifting her lips from Jasper's, "I'm sorry, Edward," but then was cut off as Jasper leaned up, pulling her head down to his.

I sprang up, terrified of the only thing I was frightened of. I wasn't scared of death, or pain. Yet... This could not be happening. This was a bad nightmare, even though I couldn't sleep, couldn't dream. Jasper was using his powers on Bella. Yes, that was it. I couldn't keep my voice from shaking as I commanded, "Jasper, you're using your powers. You are. Stop. You have to stop!"

He didn't move, didn't respond, only pulled Bella tighter to him.

I stood there, trembling like a furious werewolf, ready to tear him apart, and screamed despairingly, "Jasper, STOP USING YOUR DAMN POWERS!"

Bella broke apart from Jasper for a second and turned, looking at me. She smiled sadly and told me, "He's not."

Two words. "He's not." Two simple words.

And they shattered the world for me.

Stuttering something, I backed out of the kitchen to outside and closed the door, almost crushing the doorknob in the process. I collapsed in the wet grass, head in hands.

And in that moment, my already dead heart broke, crushed into powder, irreparably gone.


	4. Chapter 4

"Bella, I'm so sorry."

"Don't be. It's my fault."

"But-"

"Shhh."

Time passes.

"Mmmm..."

"You know, Jasper..."

"What?"

"I feel bad, I really do. I'm so sorry about Edward, that I'm hurting him... but... I don't regret it."

"I don't regret anything either."

Silence.

"What about- me being human?"

"Mm... it makes you even more beautiful."

"Aren't you tempted by me?"

"Yes... but not that way."

Silence for a while, then a moan of pleasure.

Muffled. "You're beautiful, you know that?"

"I-"

"Bella, oh God, I love you."

Muffled. "Before, before that time in the woods, before you kissed me, I thought I knew love."

"And now?"

"Now, I know the difference- between love and infatuation."

A short pause, then, "Your emotions are beautiful."

"Can I feel yours?"

Another pause, then, "Oh!"

"Now you know how I feel about you."

"Jasper-"

"What?"

"Will you turn me into a vampire?"

"Anything, anything you want." After a bit, "Now?"

"No, I'm busy now."

Muffled again, "You can be busy forever, if you want."

"Forever."

. . . . . . . . . . . . .

**EDWARD**

Life was misery, empty misery.

She had left me a year ago, though she still lived in the same house, but I hadn't healed. I never would.

During the first month or so, she had been remorseful, face twisted in a reflection of my pain whenever she met my eyes. Yet, her hand never left Jasper's. She was sorry, yet only sorry that I was hurting. She had no regrets over not being with me.

_"Edward-"_

_"Don't apologize." I couldn't bear to hear the words from her lips. The fact that she hated how she was hurting me made it almost worse._

_"I-"_

_"It's okay, Bella." I forced the lies out of my lips, and forced them into a painful grimace I hoped looked like a smile. "I don't mind."_

_She looked almost convinced, and smiled as well. It looked so much more natural on her face. She was happy, which was why I couldn't do anything, not even try to get her to change her mind. In an obviously spur-of-the-moment decision, she leaned forward, hugging me. I fought to keep myself from wrapping my arms around her, crushing her body close, inhaling her scent and tasting her lips..._

_All too soon, she pulled away from the embrace, and I let my hovering, never-quite-touching-her arms drop._

_She left the room with a small, sad smile on her lips._

I had once been irritated to have my head constantly barraged by the thoughts and imaginations of Emmett and Rosalie, or Alice and Jasper. Now, however, it couldn't compare, just an insignificant gnat I could have flicked away, closed my mind to. To hear Jasper's mind from upstairs as he kissed her, to see that adoring look in her eyes when she looked into his. That look that belonged to _me_... And to see her walk down from their room, one day, a sparkling diamond on her finger...

Those three days, three days I had always denied her, during which she screamed and writhed in agony. Yet, _Jasper_ was the one to hold her hand, to watch over her anxiously, the first one to look into her brilliantly crimson eyes as they opened for the first time.

And her tinkling, vampire laugh as Jasper leapt from behind her when he came back from hunting, knocking her down, covering her with kisses.

I remembered before she exploded into my life, a meteor shooting across my sky, lighting everything on fire, with brilliancy and beauty. Before, existence had been tolerable. I did not envy the loving, sweet relationship of Carlisle and Esme, the passionate one of Rosalie and Emmett, or the intimate one of Alice and Jasper. I scoffed at love, didn't realize what it was, could never predict how absolutely it would change my life.

And now, the brief period of utopia had ended, like a daylily that blooms for the shortest time before dying at nightfall. I had known I had never really deserved it, deserved _her_... And really, I didn't regret falling in love with her. Even if it had only been for the shortest time that I had known her, know beauty, known love, the fact that I had experienced it was something I could never regret.

I had once been the single one in the family, the brooding one, the one Esme looked at with pity and concern, the only one without a soul mate. And now- now I was again.

As I would be, forever.

_"Before you, Bella, my life was like a moonless night. Very dark, but there were stars --points of light and reason...And then you shot across my sky like a meteor. Suddenly everything was on fire; there was brilliancy, there was beauty. When you were gone, when the meteor had fallen over the horizon, everything went black. nothing had changed, but my eyes were blinded by light. I couldn't see the stars anymore. And there was no more reason for anything."_

FIN

**Okay, done. I just wanted to try an unorthodox relationship, and I liked it. Half cause of yummy Jasper and half cause I always love angsty Edward. Wasn't the end sad? :(**

_I need to get back to the Angels and start working on getting BxE relationship back up. Check it out, will you?_


End file.
